I recently celebrated my 26th birthday. Big events like New Year’s Eve and birthdays make me extremely pensive. Initially, I felt like I my achievements were limited, but when I sat down and considered what I had learned in the past year, little own in my whole life, I realised I actually had achieved quite a lot! In this article, I share the main lessons I’ve learned in 26 years and offer advice to help you live your best life.
1. If you want something, ask.
I remember as a child wanting to ask my grandad to bring me some sweets when he went to the petrol station, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to annoy him. Even at University, I wanted to ask my lecturers questions, but I was scared to look foolish in front of my peers. Both times, I didn’t get what I wanted.
It shouldn’t be a surprise, but a lot of us believe others should sense what we want without having to ask. Newsflash: People aren’t mind readers. Don’t let your ego or fear stop you from asking for something. The first lesson I’ve learned in 26 years is that you won’t go anywhere if you don’t put yourself out there and ask!
2. There’s no such thing as “just one” YouTube video.
YouTube is simultaneously the worst and the best platform out there. Sure, there are millions of videos ready and waiting whenever you dare to log in, but one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in 26 years is that the suggested videos feature can seriously be your downfall.
Too many times have I been sucked into a time-warp, endlessly clicking on the next video that appeals. It’s a clever tactic by the creators to keep you on the site, but countless hours of my life have been wasted on YouTube. I mourn the productive work that could have happened had I not convinced myself to watch “just one more” video, so lesson learned, I try to avoid it in general now.
3. Everything is figure-out-able.
I used to jump to conclusions at the drop of a hat. Ten years ago, whenever anything went wrong, it was the end of the world. I guess, that’s normal when you’re a teenager, but sometimes it felt like there was no solution. As an adult, I can rationalise.
When you panic and get stressed, you can’t think clearly. Take a deep breath when a crisis hits and know you’ll find a solution. Sure, maybe not immediately, but once you’ve taken a step back from the problem, you’ll be able to work things out. Another lesson I’ve learned in 26 years is that any problem can be figured out.
4. What worked in the past may not work now.
Most people fall into one of two camps. Camp One is for the traditionalists – the people who have set ideas about things and resist change. Camp Two is for the realists – those who understand that change is inevitable and go with the flow.
I definitely used to fall under the “traditionalist” tag, but one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in 26 years is that nothing stays the same. You need to be open to change, try new things and educate yourself when changes occur. As much as you may wish things would stay the same, it’s just not going to happen. Keeping up to date with changes in marketing and social media have been pivotal in growing my audience. Adaptation is crucial for survival.
5. You will fail many times before you succeed.
If you had a privileged upbringing, you may not have experienced much hardship. If you didn’t, well, you’ve probably known your fair share of failure. No matter what type of upbringing we’ve had, however, we will all fail at some point.
Many people try to avoid failure – for a long time, I did – but from failure we learn and gain resilience. Failure is not the end; it’s a step in the journey towards success. I’ve received a lot of rejection when applying for jobs, but I’ve always eventually got a job offer somewhere. One of the most difficult lessons I’ve learned in 26 years is that we will make lots of mistakes and fail many times in life, but if you keep persisting, you will eventually succeed.
6. Never sacrifice your values.
I know I was lucky. I had a safe, happy upbringing and grew up going to church. Not everyone can say the same, but it was my involvement in church that made love, kindness, forgiveness, self-control, faithfulness and chastity the core values which I still live by today.
At times, these values were tested. Dating, for sure, was tricky. Even some Christians don’t subscribe to the chastity aspect of the religion, but I stuck to my beliefs and I found someone who respected me enough to be patient. One of the most comforting lessons I’ve learned in 26 years is that if you stay strong and have faith, things will work out.
7. Don’t overload yourself.
True story: I have a seriously detrimental tendency to overload myself. Even when I quit teaching, I couldn’t stop myself from signing up for online courses and starting this blog. I was supposed to take the time to figure out what I wanted to do, but instead I quickly overloaded myself to the point where I had no time to reflect!
Perfectionists like overloading themselves because they just love to be/sound busy. Personally, I know I hate feeling bored, but at what cost? Overloading yourself causes so much unnecessary stress and overwhelm. One of the key lessons I’ve learned in 26 years (and continue to work on) is knowing my limits and only taking on new projects when I have completed another.
8. If you’re not sure, say no.
For some people, saying “No” isn’t a big deal. If that sounds like you, feel free to skip this section. For people pleasers like me, agreeing to things (even if you aren’t sure) can seem like an unbreakable habit.
One of the lessons I’ve learnt in 26 years, however, is that if you have doubts, there’s probably a good reason for it. For example, a trendy bag that’ll blow out your budget might get you a few likes on the ‘gram, but is it worth saying “Yes” to if you’re going to be worried about making rent this month? I think not.
9. Always be grateful with what you have.
In a world where Instagram reigns supreme, coveting a bag, a holiday or even someone else’s lifestyle is an easy trap to fall into. The grass may seem greener on the other side, but what you need to remember is that social media only presents what people want you to see – it’s not a timeline, it’s a carefully curated highlight reel!
Always be grateful with what you have. There are many people who’d kill for the life you’re living right now. At the end of the day, you’ve got your health, your family, and roof over your head. Life might not always be perfect, but we’ve got a lot to be grateful for. This is one of the best lessons I’ve learned in 26 years.
10. Stick with your goals if you’re serious about achieving something.
Have you ever given up on your goals? Maybe it was too hard, or maybe you thought it was taking too long to get where you wanted to go. Whatever the reason, it’s easy to lose sight of the reason you started when things get tough.
If you’re serious about achieving something however, you’ve got to stick with it. Another important lesson I’ve learned in 26 years is that consistency is what will get you past the finish line. If you think your goals are taking too long, remember that the time will pass anyway, so you might as well use it to pursue what’s important to you.
11. What other people think of you is none of your business.
I don’t know about you, but I grew up in an environment which was very much focused on others perception of you. “What will the neighbours say?!” was the daily catchphrase. If anyone even dared to do something different, the likely response was “Who do they think they are?!”
Since moving to Australia and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gained the confidence to follow my passions and ignore the critics. I truly feel like I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t care what other people think of me anymore, and this has been the one of the most freeing lessons I’ve learned in 26 years. People will always have an opinion, but who says you have to listen to them? Mind your own business and stick to your plan. It’s your life, so live it!
12. Be kind.
Kindness and consideration are ingrained in me like the alphabet or the YMCA dance routine. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been acutely aware of how others around me are feeling.
A compliment can turn someone’s around. Considering the strain someone is under and helping them can prevent them from breaking down. It costs $0 to be kind to others. Being kind and showing consideration to others can have more of an impact than you think. The importance of kindness is one of the simplest and most effective lessons I’ve learned in 26 years.
13. It’s not your job to make other people comfortable.
In her bestselling self-help book, ‘Girl, Wash Your Face’, Rachel Hollis discusses the idea that women tend to make themselves seem small to make other people feel more comfortable. She recalled going to party and when asked, “What do you do?” replied, “Oh, I just run a little lifestyle blog.” To put it in context, this woman is a successful author, motivational speaker, owns a media company, runs a lifestyle blog and has a family!
Even though our pursuits hardly compare, the point she was trying to make resonated with me deeply. I realised I had been hiding my blog from others, in part because I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable. But you know what? It’s not your job to make other people comfortable! Your duty is to pursue what you feel called to do. In the end, people will always disapprove of what they don’t understand, and that’s their problem, not mine, and certainly not yours. If I had to choose, this would be one of the most influential lessons I’ve learned in 26 years.
14. Shop around.
I bet you didn’t think this would make the cut, but shopping around has been one of the most helpful lessons I’ve learned in 26 years. Stores bet on the fact that you’ll be too lazy to shop around, but if you do, you could potentially save anything from a few quid to hundreds of dollars!
A recent example where shopping around paid off was when I bought an authentic leather jacket online. It was originally $550, but I found it on sale at ASOS for $180! The items are the same (or similar), why pay more than you have to? We all have to be careful with our money these days, so when it comes to shopping, finding a good doctor or basically anything, shop around! Saving money is one of the best skills you can have.
15. When in an argument with your Significant Other, tackle the problem together.
When couples fight, sometimes they don’t fight fair. Something as simple as not putting the dishwasher on can result in offensive remarks, swearing, and in some cases, even violence. The importance of communication is one of the most fundamental lessons I’ve learned in 26 years (and it should be for you too).
When in an argument with your S.O., I’ve found that the best way to tackle the problem is by looking at it from the perspective of You and Your Partner vs. The Problem, not You vs. Your Partner. You’re a team, after all. If you tackle the problem together, you’ll maintain your love and respect for each other. Why jeopardise your relationship over a silly argument?
16. Don’t expect people to communicate the same way you do.
For a long time, I struggled to understand how people could do things that I couldn’t imagine myself doing. “How could she do that?” or “How could he act that way?” I would ask. It was completely mind-boggling to me.
The thing is, everyone is different – they have different values, different ideas about things and they communicate in different ways. The latter point was the biggest lesson I’ve learned about difference. Loud, blunt demands conflict with my quiet, polite requests, and in the past, responses like that have shaken me, but it doesn’t have to. The trick is to remind yourself that everyone is different and that they probably aren’t trying to upset you, so try not to take it personally. They probably have no idea of the difference themselves!
17. Always give yourself an extra 15 minutes more than you think you need.
How’s your time management? When it comes to getting ready, mine goes straight out the window. I don’t know what it is, but I literally always need more time than I think.
One of the most practical lessons I’ve learned in 26 years is that when it comes to time management, you should plan for setbacks. Eyebrow disaster? Bad hair day? Unforeseen traffic delays. Take my advice and add 15 minutes to the time you think you’ll need to get ready so you can arrive on time!
18. Get rid of anything that doesn’t bring you joy.
In Chuck Palahniuk’s ‘Fight Club’, the protagonist says, “We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like.” I couldn’t agree more. We are constantly bombarded with advertising telling us that we need to buy more to be happy, but personally, I’ve found the opposite to be true.
When I work in a messy environment and spend time with people I don’t get on with, I can slowly feel my stress levels rising and my happiness dipping. Clutter leads to stress. Being around toxic people can do the same. Life’s too short to waste it on things that don’t make you happy. Getting rid of items and cutting ties with people that no longer bring me joy is one of the most cathartic lessons I’ve learned in 26 years.
19. Spend time with people who lift you up, not put you down.
Even though it’s a truth universally acknowledged that popular kids are not very nice, I’d bet my favourite mug on the fact that you probably wanted to be popular too. Let’s be honest, we wanted to be popular because we wanted to look cool, be admired, and have a smokin’ hot boyfriend. Ammirite?
I was never popular, and looking back on it, I’m glad. The popular kids had a lot more pressure than I had, and I don’t think I could have coped with the backstabbing that went on between the girls as they competed against each other. Having true friends who you can trust, talk openly with and support is one of the best things you can have in life and one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in 26 years.
20. Slow down when you have the chance, and work hard when you need to.
Burnout and other stress-related problems is something half a million people in the UK struggle with, and it seems to be a common problem in other Western countries too. The cause: trying to do it all and working too hard all the time. The problem: consistently working long-hours is not sustainable and it’s not something we’re built to cope with.
Humans are made to work and rest. If we work too much, our body forces us to rest. Preventing burnout is one of the trickiest lessons I’ve learned in 26 years, but if you mix up the pace in which you work, slowing down when you can, and working hard when you need to, it is possible. We aren’t robots, so we shouldn’t act like them!
21. Working on yourself is important and shouldn’t be ignored.
I know we all have competing priorities. We have careers to forge, a home loan to save for and relationships to maintain. In the chaos of it all, it can be difficult to find the time for yourself, but let me explain why working on yourself should be a priority.
No one else is going to give you a better life or make you a better person – you have to do the work yourself. Knowing yourself can be your greatest strength, because when you do, you can make better choices and create the life you want. As young people, we often let others direct the course of our lives, but that shouldn’t be anyone’s call but our own; we’re the only ones who can truly know ourselves enough to do that. Knowing and trusting myself has been one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in 26 years.
22. Spending time alone is essential.
Some people crave solitude like air. Others can’t stand to be alone. If you fall under the first category, you’re doing fine so you can skip this lesson. Everyone else, listen up!
Spending time alone can have a number of benefits – it increases empathy, productivity, creativity, gives you a chance to reflect on your goals and it allows you to be yourself. I know I work better when I’m alone because I have less distractions. If we’re always busy or always around other people, we don’t have a chance to just be. Spending time alone is essential and it’s probably one of the easiest lessons I’ve learned in 26 years. I’d highly recommend it!
23. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will.
You’ve heard of “fake it ‘til you make it”. A similar lesson I’ve learned in 26 years is to “believe in yourself”. People are like sponges – they absorb the feelings in the room.
If people perceive you as nervous and lacking in confidence, they’ll think you doubt your own ability, therefore they will too. Confidence is like a spell. You can get almost anything you want if you’re confident, so believe in yourself and your abilities. You’ll be surprised at what it can do for you!
24. Plan as much as you can.
There’s a time for planning and there’s a time for flying by the seat of your pants. More often than not, one of the most advantageous lessons I’ve learned is to plan as much as you can.
Plan for the worst, plan for extra time, and when booking a trip, plan the details in advance so you can get the most out of it! Our European holiday last September consisted of visiting eight cities in six different countries in six weeks. Without planning, in short, it wouldn’t have happened!
25. Have the courage to chase your dreams, but plan realistically.
I wholeheartedly believe that you should pursue your dreams. If you find something that you love, hold onto it. It’s hard to find. Just do yourself one favour: have a backup plan.
I’m pursuing my passion right now as I write to you, but I think it’s important to know how you’re going to support yourself as you work towards your goals. One of the main lessons I’ve learned in 26 years is that success isn’t immediate. It’s taken me a year to gain 500 Instagram followers and I’m yet to make a cent from my blog. Be practical in the pursuit of your dreams. There’s no reason why you can’t have a traditional J.O.B. to pay the bills while you hustle on the side.
26. Just do it.
It might be a Nike quote, but it’s a motto I live by. Most people think motivation is something mystical that visits us when the time is right; that we have to wait for it to come to us before we can take action.
The final lesson I’ve learned in 26 years is that motivation won’t come of its own accord. You could wait your whole life, and motivation would evade you. Motivation only happens when you start something, so “just do it” (no excuses) and motivation will follow! Need some help? Here’s how to make motivation a habit.
Birthdays can be a great time to reflect on the lessons you’ve learnt. You might question your growth, but I guarantee you’ve learned more lessons in your life than you realise. Consider the 26 lessons I’ve learned in 26 years. Can you relate? What can you learn from me? Life is one big learning experience if you’re open to it. It really is the greatest journey you’ll ever take.
Want to wish me a happy birthday? If you find my articles helpful, please share this site with a friend. Good things happen when we come together.
Have a great week!
Grace x
